February 1, 2024

Brandon's 50th

"If you hit the wrong note, we'll all 'B Flat'."

Brandon's 50th

February 1st has come and gone 8 times since his death. This was probably the hardest one. Fifty was a birthday I thought he would certainly experience, and one I thought I probably would not. Very strange, maybe even mentally unsettling, to have that deep seated fear or belief flipped on its head.

I worried about how we would acknowledge his birthday for months. Apparently my girls were doing the same. Towards the end of January Maddy called me one day and asked if I had received a package from Sydney. I said no..... and that the mail was particularly slow between St. Louis and PCB. As February ticked closer, the undelivered package seemed to be causing Maddy and Sydney stress ??????

I felt the usual grief train wreck..... body aches, loss of appetite, and tears so close to the surface that wearing eyeliner was ridiculous.

Feb 1st dawned and I had a workout scheduled. Even though I felt like crap, I knew it would help. It's usually my one saving grace. On my bike ride home I noticed a package on our front porch. I brought it inside, opened it, and couldn't believe what I was seeing. Little did I know...... Lizzie had gotten the same surprise box.

This is where I want to insert Sydney's blog post. So beautifully written. My heart aches for my girls, and yet I could not be luckier to have them during these tough times.

my dad’s 50th birthday celebration :)

Maddy summed it up so nicely with this TikTok. Love you everybody! (as benson would say)

TikTok - Make Your Day